


Do You?

by sorta_sirius_black



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Assassin AU, Carmilla - Freeform, Carmilla works for the KGB, Danny is bisexual, Hollstein - Freeform, LGBT, Laura Hollis is a literal princess, Lesbians, Multi, Nonbinary LaFontaine, OT3, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:28:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5962360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorta_sirius_black/pseuds/sorta_sirius_black
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Do you love me?" She whispered, seduction dripping from every word.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Carmilla Karnstein grew up under the care of a woman who called herself nothing but Mother. Vladimir Putin's second in command. She grew up a killer. A slave to the KGB. She grew up as an assassin.</p>
<p>Laura Hollis was anything but ordinary, though ordinary was the only thing that she ever wanted. Growing up as the princess of a kingdom known as Monaco, only a whopping 499 acres, she wanted nothing than to live among her people. She never wanted royalty. But it wasn't much of a choice. Especially with her father dying and a country in desperate need of a new ruler.</p>
<p>She's sent away for her millionth undercover mission. They said it would take anywhere from a few days to a few years, depending on how quickly her father died. But Carmilla's only mission? Kill the princess of Monaco and take the crown for herself.</p>
<p>When mysterious Carmilla Karnstein appears in her life, appearing seemingly randomly... Laura finds herself intrigued. And possibly in over her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You?

Natalia Pavlovich. That was her name this week.

Sometimes they sent her away for a couple of days. Sometimes it was weeks. Sometimes it was months. And one of these days, they were going to send her away for years. Deep cover. She would have to become someone else, make friends, fall in love... And then she would have to stab them in the back.

It was an unappealing job, really. It was a job full of deceit and lies. It was a job full of pain. It was a job of building lives and destroying them on the regular. It was a job full of falling in love and then killing the people you loved. It was about becoming someone else, and then destroying that person. It was a job that required losing yourself over and over until you were no longer your own human being, but a chameleon, until you were putty in the hands of the leader. Until you were nothing more than what they wanted you to be.

But she wasn't quite ready to give herself up yet.

She was frequently reminding herself of who she was. She had to constantly remind herself of what was hers and no one else's. The likes and dislikes of her characters were always far from her own, and she made sure it was that way. She always put as much distance between herself and her characters as possible. She knew that she would lose herself and lines would blur if she didn't. This was her only choice.

"My name is Carmilla Karnstein. I am 21 years old. I work with the KGB because of my very particular skill set. My loyalties lie with Putin. I am an assassin. And I have come to kill. This is my mission. This is my objective. This is my design." She whispered to herself.

She had been whispering those words over and over to herself for the past week, ever since she came on her latest mission. It was what she always whispered to herself on missions, always just to remind herself who she was, what she was. What she had to do. It was the only thing keeping her tethered between reality and the fiction that she was forced to create. She was sent to kill some poor dying man's daughter this week. She was sent to befriend and kill. Befriend and kill. Fall in love and kill. Marry and kill. It was the same thing over and over again, just with tweaks.

"Nat, come back to bed." Betty whined from the other side of the corner.

And sometimes she loved these people. Sometimes she genuinely cared about them. But more often than not, they were nothing more than another target. They were nothing more than another objective. They had to be. Because she couldn't let herself get too close.

"This is my design." She whispered.

Her eyes going from tear-filled and full of life and compassion and empathy to lifeless and deadly in seconds, she turned the corner and pulled the gun out of the holster strapped to her thigh. Her eyes were dead, reflecting all that she felt inside. She felt nothing. No life. No love. No compassion. No empathy.

She turned the corner to find Betty, sitting in their makeshift bed. She was curled up in the blanket, like she had something to hide, like Carm hadn't already seen every inch of that girl. They'd been in that bed countless times over the past week. Carmilla was very familiar with everything about that girl. There was nothing to hide. And yet, she still hid beneath the blankets. Carmilla only looked for a moment before turning to stone.

"Natalia?" Elizabeth queried, noticing the sudden change.

Her hand raised, aiming at poor Betty's head, right where she'd been taught to shoot, to aim, to fire. Without so much of a flinch, she took the safety off the gun and let her finger tighten around the trigger. Without hesitation, she pulled it, feeling the recoil jerk through her with familiarity. She found it to be much easier to hurry, to get it over with before they even knew what was happening. Because she didn't have to see the betrayal in their eyes. She didn't have to see the pain when they realized that this person they thought they could trust had betrayed them.

"Target acquired. Target down." She muttered, shoving the gun into her back pocket, tying her hair back, and walking away.

Mattie would be ready to pick her up in the copter about a mile away, a mile walk. People would be rushing to Betty's aid soon, so she needed to get out. Poor Betty. There would be nothing that anyone could do once they got to her. She would be long dead. But even so, she needed to get out. She needed to keep her head down and walk. Not run. She knew that the first rule of being on the run was to walk, not run. Running was suspicious. Walking was not.

She shrugged her hoodie up over her hair and walked out of the room. This had been their secret hideaway for the past week. For the right people, and with the right words, a week was all that it took to make somebody fall in love. It wasn't difficult. Betty had showed her this place after only one night. That was all that it took.

She had been tipsy, but she was coherent enough to know what she had been doing. There was a party, a party which Carmilla had been ordered to attend. And there was dancing. Talking. Laughing. Kissing. And, eventually, sex. Betty, tipsy and high on some air of love, had dragged Carm into what would be their secret hideaway for the best week of her life. And they had kissed. And Carmilla eventually showed her professional skills at this sort of thing and they'd done some regrettable things. And it only made sense that the first place that they made love would be the place where it would all end.

Poor Betty.

She really was nice. Innocent enough. She had been naive. She didn't know how love worked. And maybe that was why she was such an easy target. She was a fly and Carm, or Natalia, was the spider. The Black Widow, as Mattie liked to call her. Mattie always said that she was some sort of black widow because she always slept with her victims before killing them. At least the young, pretty ones. She didn't like sleeping with men when she didn't have to... But the girls, however...

She turned back to the body of the girl. She was lifeless now. Just meat. There was flesh and blood and bone, but there was no soul anymore. No more innocence, no more zeal, no more life. A halo of blood was spreading out over the white sheets, making an angel out of her cold, paling body. Carm took a deep breath, stepped forward slowly, and closed her open eyes. They were just like they had been when she died. Big. Blue. Full of horror. Full of betrayal. Carm hated looking at that.

Shrugging on her hoodie and walking out of the room, out of the building, into the cold streets, she headed back to the location where she was supposed to meet Mattie. It only took a few minutes, but it felt like hours. She was beginning to feel lightheaded, what with all of the people walking past her, unknowing that she was a murderer...

Walk. Don't run.

Her heart began to pound as she pulled her hoodie around her tighter. She felt dirty. She always felt so dirty after these missions. She had slept with another girl and then killed her. Part of her wanted to scream because she was doing this for her own pleasure, like she was getting off on killing them. But at least they always died happily.

She closed her eyes and kept walking. She just needed to get back to the copter, get back home, and she could rest. They let her had at least a day of rest before sending her out again for more field work. It was the best part of the job. She always got a day to lounge around and do whatever she pleased. A whole day. Most of them only got a few hours, but because Putin basically treated her like a niece, it was a bit of special treatment. Not that she was going to complain.

The helicopter was in a field. Hidden, discrete. And Mattie was waiting. She had this ever-present frown, never changing, never moving. She just always was scowling, annoyed as something. Well, unless she was on a case. She could put on the charm for cases. But Mattie, the real Mattie, was always angry about something. Always ranting, always complaining about how uncultured the other agents were. Most of the field agents were pretty cultured, classy, refined, just like Mattie. But the backstage guys? They hardly left the lab. They didn't know what classy meant.

"What took you so long?" She inquired as Carm pulled herself in.

"Breakup sex, believe it or not." She replied, pulling the hood down.

Mattie turned with an annoyed look. A small smirk crossed over Carm's lips. She was big enough to admit that she'd slept with her victims. She gave a quick wink and leaned back, trying to relax. She'd done this so many times... It was so easy... And yet, every time she pulled the trigger, it was harder to do... It was always hard, because she always got attached in some way. She didn't love them, but she didn't want them to die... She got to know the good in people... And then she had to kill it.

"That's how many times with the same girl?" She scowled.

"Lost count at 6." She replied, kicking her feet back.

"Of course. You, the little black widow. Always seducing your prey before murdering it. Not very classy, Karnstein."

"Screw class. They don't pay me to be classy. They pay me to kill. Now go."

~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

"Hey, sugar. How you holding up?" Her father inquired.

Laura Hollis, princess of Monaco, one of the world's smallest countries, was talking to her father over Skype.

He was sick. They told him that he wasn't going to make it another month. It was lung cancer, killing him quickly, and painfully. He'd struggled to catch his breath for a long time. And then his chest started hurting. They took him to the hospital, and then transported him to France because there was nothing that they could do here. But there was nothing that they could do there either. Honestly, all that they were doing was keeping him comfortable.

"I'm okay. It's just... It's a lot of stress." She laughed, swiping a tear. She couldn't even talk to him without crying anymore.

He looked so sick. His skin was pale and his eyes were sunken in. She knew that she was probably not going to see him again in person, considering the fact that she had so many people to watch over. She was left in charge of an entire country, and even if it was only a whopping 499 acres... She didn't have a choice. She had to stay. There were 37,800 people here. And she was responsible for all of them. And that meant that she had to put them ahead of her father.

"I know, sugar. It's hard. But we'll work it out. We're a team." He replied with a smile.

"I'll handle it, Daddy. Don't worry about anything. I have people here. I have people to help me. Don't worry about anything. Just focus on getting better, okay?" She replied with a broken, hopeful smile.

"I will, sug. I think they're taking me for testing soon, so I need to go. But I'll talk to you later today, okay?"

"Okay. Be safe."

"I will. You too."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He gave one final smile before clicking off, the screen turning to black before popping back up on the Skype screen. She bit down a tear and turned away, clicking off Skype. She couldn't do this all alone. It was miserable. Not having him here was impossible. She was organizing everything, settling disputes, handling all of the nitty-gritty details because the entire board had left with her dad for "moral support", leaving her with no one.

She opened up Tumblr, feeling like a stupid, stereotypical white girl. She was supposed to be busy, but she was always busy. And today she had things to do, things for herself. There was more to life and business meetings and deciding jail sentences and playing judge. She was exhausted. She was only 19, still a kid in the eyes of most. She didn't have the experience to do this. And yet, there she was, still struggling, still fighting to keep this tiny country afloat.

"Miss Laura?" A new voice whispered, peeking out from behind the corner.

She turned quickly, eyes adverting from her computer screen. A tallish figure stood in her doorway, head down and looking at his hands. He wasn't the most skilled at socializing, poor thing. But, then again, neither was she. He was in his suit, the same suit that he was always in, the same suit he'd worn everyday for the past 6 years. His dark hair flopped over his forehead, always flopping the same way, no matter how hard he tried to make it look nice. He was pale, and his eyes were always looking at the ground...

"Oh, hey, JP." She replied, turning back to the Tumblr dashboard.

"Um... You have some visitors."

It wasn't a second later before loud, strange noises started.

Laura jumped, spinning in her chair as Lola Perry, LaFontaine, and Danny Lawrence stormed in. Perry was rambling on about something that Laura couldn't quite catch, Danny collapsed on the bed in the corner, and LaF was on JP's back. Perry was always one to ramble on about her well-being, playing something of a mama bear. Danny was fairly relaxed most of the time, though she did get worked up a lot, and she would fight for whatever she believed in (which was probably why she was joining the small military that Monaco had). LaF and JP were chattering giddily as they held onto his neck, his hands propping beneath their legs. The two of them were close, usually sneaking off together during these scheduled get-togethers. Not that Laura could blame them. They only got to see JP during these, and it was rather obvious that they had a crush.

"So, Hollis, how've things been around the royal palace?" Danny inquired, plucking some trinket off of the nightstand and tossing it in the air.

"Stressful. How's school?" Laura replied, closing her laptop. She'd been homeschooled her entire life, and there wasn't a real point in going to college. All of her other friends had started at the University, meaning that they never really got a chance to come over. They were all so busy with school... That's why these weekends were so special.

"Tiring. Perry switched majors again, LaF blew up the west wing... But it's not too bad. Worst part is that, after LaF blew up the west wing, the entire science department had to relocate and now we have a bunch of lost science nerds popping in." Danny replied with a laugh.

"Hey, it's not my fault that they don't have better equipment."

"Su- LaFontaine, yes. It is your fault. You know better than to mix highly explosive, not to mention toxic, chemicals."

"I was on the verge of a breakthrough."

"I'm sure you were."

LaF huffed as Perry rolled her eyes. The two of them bickered a lot, but, at the end of the day, they were still best friends. They had been best friends since they were kids. And sometimes they sneaked in quick kisses, which made Laura believe that they weren't telling the entire truth. But then LaF met Jeep and they developed something of a friendship, and then a crush... It was a complicated relationship that Laura didn't like looking too much into.

"God, I wish I could've just gone with you guys. It seems so much better than this mess. Because, believe me, this is exhausting." Laura sighed.

An annoyed look crossed over Danny's face for a moment before she scooted up on the edge of the bed, pulling Laura by the shoulders. Startled by the redhead's sudden advance, she froze up a bit, staring back at her with big eyes and a racing heart.

"Listen to me, Hollis. College sucks. It's not some dream you have. It's boring lectures and staying up until 5 in the morning to go on half an hour of sleep before class. It's exhausting. And your life isn't so great either. You have a lot of weight on your shoulders. But I'd trade places with you any day. And I know that it's stressful, but you're going to be okay. You're going to kick butt. And it's all going to be okay. You'll have me as your head commander as soon as I get my bachelor's in history. You will have the best war strategist ever, which is me, and then your leading scientist is going to put this country on the map, and Perry will probably end up as your royal adviser or something because she always puts in her opinions anyways, and everything's going to be fine. You have me, you have Jeep, you have Perry, and you have LaF. You have our full support. So stop worrying."

Laura let a smile peek through as she turned away, pushing the chair back to the desk and sliding into the floor as they all sat down, JP included. It was something of a ritual of theirs. They always ended up sitting in the floor, just talking as equals. Everyone always looked up to her like she was some sort of goddess, all because of her social status. She just wanted to be equal to the people she loved most. So they were always sitting at ground level. Perfectly equal.

Danny was lying on the floor, head resting on a pillow behind Laura's back. JP was sitting properly, back straight and hands in his lap. Perry was next to him, looking a little tense, but that was just how she always looked. She was leaned against the wall, hands also folded in her lap, legs outstretched. Sprawled out over both of them was LaFontaine, their head on JP and feet on Perry.

"Okay, so everyone's coming to the gala tonight, right? Because I can't do it alone." Laura inquired, leaning back.

"Wouldn't miss it." Danny replied.

"Yeah... Um... About that. We're coming, but we will probably be in the back making out or something." LaF teased, tugging on Jeep's tie.

JP blushed, knowing that he wasn't supposed to flirt with the guests. Father's rules. But ever since LaF turned 18, JP had been all over them. Jeep was only 22, but he had wanted to respect them and the law until they turned 18. After that, Laura was pretty sure the two of them had started dating. But it wasn't quite clear, considering LaF's relationship with Perry. Perry and LaF had been best friends for years, and it sort of seemed like they were dating for a long time... But the flirting got more intense with JP... It was complicated.

"Guys, seriously. I need all of you. It's not going to be easy. People are going to start asking questions, and I'm going to bust out crying like a two year old." She laughed bitterly.

"Hey... Everything is going to be fine, Hollis. I've got your back. Literally. Get your cute butt out of my face." Danny replied with a laugh, shoving her to the side.

Laura toppled over, falling over onto her back, rolling onto her side until she and Danny were face to face. Laura wanted to say that she had just let Danny push her over, but in all honesty, she was strong, and Laura was tiny. She faced Danny, who gave a quick wink before pushing herself up into sitting position, grabbing Laura and dragging her with her. Just the touch of her hand gave her chills....

Laura had something of a crush on Danny. Always had. Ever since they were kids, Laura had always admired and adored her. And ever since Laura had come out of the closet as gay... Well, things had gotten a bit intense. They were still acting like friends, and nothing more. But there was a little bit more underneath the surface. Flirty comments. Deep conversations. Danny's constant need to reassure her. To protect her. It was intense. And horribly awkward to assess.

"Seriously. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't like talking about my dad to those people. There are people who hate him for no good reason, and there are going to be people who hate me just because... I can't do it." She whined, voicing her fears for the first time.

"Laura, you'll be fine. We've got your back. And if everything goes to crap halfway through, I know exactly how to blow the place sky high so you don't have to ever worry about any of those people again." LaF reassured.

"No, no, they will not be blowing up half the population of Monaco just because of a bad speech. I'll bake you brownies. I'll bake them now so they can be... Victory or loser brownies. Either way, you get to enjoy them. Can I? It's just... The kitchen is so big here..." Perry replied.

"Go for it." Laura sighed, waving her off. There was no stopping her once she started baking.

She let out a short "yay" and hurried out of the room.

"And then there were four." LaF laughed, sitting up.

"Yeah, let's make it two. I need to get ready, and I'd rather that only females be in here. So... Jeep, LaF, you're outta here. Go make out in a broom closet or something." Laura laughed.

LaF groaned and stood up, pulling Jeep up with them. The two of them scurried out of the room, hurrying out, probably to make out or something. Laura still wasn't sure the nature of their relationship. It was strange, and Laura was too ashamed to ask, and they were too incompetent to clarify.

Laura turned with a small smile and turned to find Danny. Just Laura... And Danny... Alone...

Wow.

~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

LaFontaine hurried behind JP, their hand tucked in his as they hurried the vast halls. The halls here were endless, never ending, and they could never seem to find their way around, despite the fact that they had been here a million and one times. They always needed Jeep to guide them around. They were always so endlessly fascinated by the structure of the building that it was hard to pay attention to where they were going.

Maybe that was how they fell for him.

It was ridiculous, of course. They had started out as just friends. They were only 16 when they met him, and he had insisted that nothing happen between them, even if they desperately wanted it. It seemed so trivial at the time, but they spent two years together. Nothing was allowed to happen, and it was okay. They became best friends, studied together, Jeep teaching them everything they knew about science. Jeep was a genius who was taking care of his father's work. He was happy here, but they knew that he wanted something more.

And then they turned 18.

They could still remember it perfectly. They had explained their relationship with Perry weeks before. LaF and Perry were both polyamorous, but neither of them had been able to find a suitable third or fourth to their relationship. It wasn't really about being in a relationship with as many people as you could find, but they did want to give as much love as they possible could. And LaF had already discussed it with Perry, letting her know everything... And then they went to Jeep and explained everything. And then, the night of their 18th birthday, they came up to the mansion and started throwing rocks at the stain-glass windows of the servant's quarters, where they knew Jeep would be. And Jeep came down... And they talked it over, explained what they hoped could happen...

And Jeep had kissed them.

Ever since then, the three of them had been in a relationship. All three in a closed relationship with each other. Jeep and Perry weren't too touchy with each other, but they cared about each other. LaF, however, was more of a hands-on type of person. They were panromantic demisexual, but they liked to touch when they got the chance, when they were comfortable and cared deeply about the person they were with. So they could often be found flirting shamelessly with Perry, who wasn't overly fond of touch but liked it when they did it. And they were almost always found making out in a broom closet or in a bedroom or something with Jeep. None of them were great about touching, Jeep himself being gray-asexual, but they were all comfortable with each other. And it was all perfectly fine. They knew boundaries.

They found JP's bedroom, where he had insisted they go. He needed to pick out something to wear to the gala, and while they were usually pretty apathetic towards clothes, he always insist they come. They knew why, too. He always ended up shirtless and they always ended up grabbing him and doing some more... Questionable things.

"Okay, so we can either deal with clothes, which we all know I hate... Or we can go in and you can help me study for my biology test on Wednesday, which I actually do want you to help me with... Or we can just skip both and start making out." They suggested.

"LaFontaine, you know I love to make out with you, but I really do have to get ready." He laughed, shrugging off his jacket.

"Look. There are like 5 things I care about. Research. Science. Hannibal Lecter. Solving decade-old murders. And kissing attractive people. And I waited two years before coming close to you. God knows I wanted to. So now that I'm allowed to, I'm going to. And I try not to confuse our friends too much, so we only get to do it in private..." They slipped into the room behind him, closing the door with their foot and locking it.

"LaFontaine. I care about you a great deal, and I know you like to put your lips onto mine. But I can't spend every minute we have alone kissing you. Especially when I have responsibilities to attend to."

"Responsibilities you don't give a crap about, Jeep! You and I both know you'd rather be in college, with me, studying to be a doctor or scientist or something. You're a genius and we both know it. You're worth more than a cheap butler job. Laura wouldn't even care. I mean, she would, but she'd want you to go. She cares about you, Jeep. She wants you to be happy."

"It doesn't matter, LaFontaine. My happiness doesn't matter in this case. Miss Laura is my first priority."

"Laura's your first priority?"

"Okay, you're my first priority. You and Miss Perry. But Laura is my obligation. Besides, I don't need a better job. I don't need college. It won't make me happy."

"Then what will?"

"You."

"That's true. But you should pursue your dream, Jeep."

He sighed and ran his hands over his face for a moment before taking a step toward them. His hand found the side of their face, pulling them close. His forehead pressed against theirs for a moment, his eyes wandering to every inch of their face. They preferred seeing his eyes closed, or not seeing them at all. They preferred kissing him.

"I know. Could you please just help me pick out a suit?" He whispered after a moment.

They groaned and walked up to his small wardrobe. It was full of suits almost identical to one another, with only slight variations in color and design. They groaned and grabbed the first one they could find, a plain black tux, and threw it at him.

"There. Now, back to more serious issues." They replied, grabbing his tie that remained sloppily around his neck and pulling him close, kissing him quickly.

They had never been quite so touchy in a relationship. Honestly, touch had been uncomfortable for them for a long time. Even with Perry, there were boundaries. They had grown up together, been best friends, so they were cool with casual touches, like hand-holding or arms around shoulders. But their kisses were usually casual, quick ones that didn't last too terribly long. Never anything like this. But Jeep was different. Maybe it was the waiting that they had to do before... Or maybe they were just infatuated with each other. Either way, his kiss was something that they yearned for a lot of the time. And it was an opportunity they never dared to pass up.

It didn't take too long for the kiss to deepen. His hands wrapped around their back, pulling them closer as their eyes fluttered closed. They smiled against his lips, hands pressed up against his chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath his skin. They loved the feeling of his heartbeat. They loved when their heartbeats were in sync, and they were almost one person. It was a feeling that they cherished. It usually started like this and, though they hadn't gone past making out, it usually ended with JP Armitage's shirt lying on the floor. It wasn't their fault. They just found his torso very aesthetically pleasing.

He hoisted them off of their feet, pushing them onto the bed. It was a queen-sized because of how faithful a servant he was. He got the nicest room out of all of the servants. LaF was pretty sure that it was just because Laura noticed their make out sessions, and had wanted to give them a better place to do it. Or not. They weren't sure. Either way, it had ended up serving them well, because the smaller ones were terrible for kissing on. They knew. They'd tried it before. It was awful.

He pushed them further up onto the bed, taking the reigns in ways that he rarely did. They smiled, pulling him up on top of them as he pinned their hand against the bed's soft comforter. They smiled against his lips as his lips continued pushing against theirs, moving skillfully in ways that they had grown comfortable with. They had done this a million times, doing this sort of thing every time they found themselves alone. They talked about deep things on the phone, when talking about things became more nervewracking face-to-face and anxiety became a much more intense thing when trying to keep social graces. They were goofy and silly with each other among the crowds. But when they were alone, while they still talked and laughed together, they were often found just like this.

His hands slowly ran down their sides, tracing their curves, the curves that they were horrifically self-conscious of. They always wanted to look androgynous, like a mixture of boy and girl. They were genderqueer, gender-variant, androgynous. And their curves and breasts were horribly gendered toward the female gender, and it was unfair. While they wore a binder most of the time now, which helped with most of the dysphoria, but their hips were still too wide and they still had definitive genitalia. It was... Awful.

But JP made them feel okay. Perry and JP were the only people who could do that. Those two made them feel like they were okay, like they could be okay in their own skin. They were the only ones who could do that. And when JP's fingers wrapped around their curves as they kissed, it made them feel like they were okay. Like they weren't some freak of nature, caught in the wrong body from birth... But instead, they felt like they were flying.

Suddenly, Jeep pulled away. The heat of his lips was sorely missed as he moved, but they watched him loosen his tie above them, pulling it off as quickly as he could. They let a smile creep over their lips and grabbed his white button-down. Quickly, without hesitation in their fingers, they unbuttoned it quickly, skillfully. Having about a thousand button-downs of their own and having taken off his about a million times, they yanked it off.

"Good God, you're attractive." They laughed, studying him over for a moment.

They studied him over for a few moments. His chest was covered in a fine layer of hair, hair as dark as the hair on his head. Usually, it was pale and cool, but right now it was red and hot, like it usually was when they did this sort of thing. He wasn't particularly ripped, but that was okay. He didn't need to be. He had a small scar in the center of his chest, a scar that had stories to be uncovered... He was so beautiful.

His lips curled into a small smile as he hovered over them. They ran their fingers over him, fingers trailing over everything above the waist. They wanted to remember him. They wanted to memorize him. They wanted to know every inch of him. They wanted to be able to feel him when they were apart, when these things weren't allowed. They wanted him. All of him.

His position became more frantic, like he was longing for more of them. They smiled and tugged him back down on top of them, his bare chest pressed up against theirs, only two layers between them. Their hands wrapped around his neck, running up and down his back, his hot skin burning against their palms. He had pale, freckled skin, freckles that they had memorized. After these make-out sessions, they liked to sit and watch as he got ready again, connecting his freckles like constellations in the night sky. He was so beautiful.

But right then, they didn't care.

They wanted more of him as they pulled him further down on them. His hands were grasping at the sheets above their head, breathing heavily as their lips collided. They could feel the bulge underneath his pants, and it was okay. They were okay. They pulled him close, fingernails digging into his back. They hadn't ever done something like this before. The tension had never been so intense, the passion never so passionate...

His lips left theirs and, for the first time, trailed down their neck. Burning kisses pressing against their neck, causing them to bite down on their lip. They held tight to him, not wanting him to leave, not wanting him to move away from them. They wanted him to be theirs and theirs alone. He was theirs, and they were his...

"I love you, LaFontaine." He whispered between the hot kisses he left on their neck.

They froze beneath his touch. "I love you, LaFontaine." Those four words echoed through their ears, over and over and over until they couldn't take it anymore. No one had ever said that to them, not really. Their parents hadn't said it, their words always being "I love you, Susan, but..." Perry had been their girlfriend for years, but she had never really said it either. Not like that. No. This was a first. An absolute first.

"You... You what?" They replied in disbelief, pushing Jeep up off of them.

His face flushed, realizing how much his words had meant, perhaps a bit scared that they weren't going to be returned. They just stared up at him with expectant eyes, a bit terrified that he would never say them again. They liked the words, wanted to hear them again. They wanted to be told that they were loved for who they were. They knew that they were loved by people, but it always felt like an expectant love, a conditional love. Like that love may not be reciprocated unless they fit some mold, some expectation. But not with Jeep. Even with Perry, they felt that sort of... Conditional love. It wasn't Perry's fault, it just... It had taken so long for Perry to get used to the fact that they weren't Susan anymore, that they were changing, and that time had been filled with a bit of bitterness. A bitterness that hurt. A bitterness that stung. But Jeep had just accepted it in seconds, going from using she/her pronouns to they/them in mere minutes. There was no hesitation there. And the way that he longed for them just as much as they longed for him...

"I... I love you." He repeated in a hushed voice.

"You... You do?" They stuttered.

"Of course I do, LaFontaine."

They let a smile creep over their lips. He loved them. He loved them. The smile was wide, open-mouthed, probably looking pretty stupid, but they didn't care. He loved them. They didn't reply. They just took him by the neck again and pressed his lips against theirs.

~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

"Hey, cutie." A new voice whispered, causing her to jump, nearly dropping her plate of brownies.

Lola Perry had severe anxiety.

It was a type of anxiety that never really went away. It was a constant worry, a worry that kept her up every night into the early morning hours. It was an anxiety that ate at her constantly, never giving her a moment's rest.

But LaFontaine was the only thing that could soothe that anxiety.

She turned around with a small smile, setting down her tray of brownies on the counter. LaF was in a good mood today, and she could tell. They had some sort of spring in their step that they didn't usuall have. They were happy today, and they had this contagious smile...

Their lips pecked up against hers quickly, pulling her closer. She laughed quickly, her arms relaxing over their shoulders as their hands wrapped around her. They were smiling this toothy grin that always made Perry get these jitters... It was a good feeling. The two of them had been friends forever. Since before LaF was LaF. Since before they were a they. Since they were two little kids. Since Perry was taking care of baby dolls and LaF was stealing their brother's chemistry kit. They had been friends forever.

Friends. They'd not been friends for a long time. Even when they were friends, things were a little more... Genuine. They were always close, closer than what they had observed in other kids. They were constantly together, and they never really fought that much. They knew how much they meant to one another. It was a friendship that was never taken for granted.

And then, in 8th grade, they had been sitting on Perry's bed. LaF was trying to teach her how to do biology. She had been hopelessly confused at the time, but LaF was always a genius. And they were working and Perry was just staring at them, watching as they wrote down the answers. They had long hair still, and they weren't binding their chest, and they weren't wearing boy clothes all of the time then... But even then, LaF was stunning. And Perry was still trying to figure out what she was feeling... But as they sat there, scribbling on paper and trying to explain...

Perry made the first move. It was something she never, ever, ever did. She kissed them, pulling their face away from the text book and up against hers. They'd spent the evening kissing in a way that 14-year-old Perry had never been kissed before. And Perry ended up staying the night, and they talked about it. Established the relationship. Established the fact that they could never tell their parents. They both decided to identify as bisexual because they didn't know any other way of defining it. It was just a feeling that they had. 

8th grade came and went, and they kept their relationship hidden. 9th grade came, 9th grade went, still perfectly happy in their relationship. No real problems. Bickering here and there, but nothing significant. And then tenth grade rolled around, and Perry realized how uncomfortable she was with the idea of sex. It was around the time her anxiety skyrocketed, and it got hard for her to just touch LaF in ways that they'd been touching each other for years. They couldn't kiss the same way without Perry panicking. They snuggle or cuddle the way that they did without shaking. They couldn't even sleep in the same bed anymore. And it wasn't anyone's fault, but Perry felt guilty. But LaF was always supportive, always okay with it.

And then, towards the end of 10th grade, both of them confessed that they were asexual. Biromantic, both of them. But that summer, things got a little rockier. LaF came out as genderqueer. Stopped letting Perry call them Susan. Wouldn't let Perry dare say the word 'girlfriend.' Things changed a lot that year. They weren't as comfortable with each other. They kind of... Broke up, for awhile. It hurt them both a lot, but it put things in perspective. 11th grade rolled around, and halfway through the first semester, they were back together. Perry was usually using the right pronouns. She corrected herself every time she almost called them Susan... They were together again, and things were as good as they could get...

And then LaF turned 18.

They were both polyamorous. They'd known it for awhile. Perry was open to having a third in their relationship, and LaF wanted a third. More specifically, LaF wanted JP. LaF had been crushing on JP since they were 16, which was a little uncomfortable for Perry at first because she had gone from being their one and only to having to share their attention. But they had a long talk and things were okay. She wasn't jealous anymore. And when they accepted Jeep into their little group, things were awesome. He didn't leave her out of things, and the three of them were... Close. Really close.

But that wasn't important.

Their past wasn't important. Their future together was what was important. LaF was smiling as they held her close, trying to get out a couple of words which just came out indecipherable and excited, always ending in something of a squeal and a peck on the lips.

"LaFontaine, LaF. Get it out." Perry laughed.

"Jeep told me he loved me." They finally replied, finally getting it out.

Perry smiled, though it felt a little forced. Jeep always had favored LaF in their relationship. And it felt like it was the same with LaF sometimes. Sometimes she felt like a third wheel to those two. They were so crazy about each other, and then Perry was sort of just... There. Of course, LaF loved her. She knew that they loved her. It was just common sense. They never said it, and she never told them, but they knew it. Both of them knew it. But it just felt... Strange...

"That's awesome." Perry laughed.

"I know! I... It seems dumb to be freaking out over this... But I really like JP. Like... I think I might love him too. And no one ever tells me that they love me, you know?" They replied.

"What do you mean, no one ever tells you that they love you?" Perry replied, grin falling into a frown.

"I don't know... It... I mean... I don't know. I never hear anyone actually say that they love me. Doesn't always feel like anyone does, you know? And it's okay, I don't care. It doesn't really matter, right? It's just... A little... You know."

She pulled away from them, brows furrowed in confusion. No one ever told them that they loved them? It was ridiculous. Lots of people loved them. Laura and Danny loved them. Jeep loved them. Their parents, while never really saying it, loved them. And Perry loved them. Why would they not think that anyone loved them?

"I love you." She said.

"I know you do, Per. We just... Never really... Say it."

She pulled them close, not wanting this to become some sort of argument. She knew how insecure they could get sometimes. She pulled them close, pecking them quickly on the lips.

"I love you." She whispered.

She kissed them again.

"I love you."

Again.

"I love you."

She wasn't sure if she'd ever seen LaF smile that wide.

~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

"What do you think of this one?" Laura inquired, modeling her dress.

It was blue, mid-length dress that ended at right around mid-thigh. Her hair was down, flowing down her back sloppily, yet still gorgeously. She was trying to pose, but looked just a little bit ridiculous. And Danny couldn't help but love every single inch of her.

She looked absolutely stunning in that dress, just like in each other other dresses that she'd tried on. Lawrence was sick over this girl. She was obsessed, falling head over heels every single day. Danny was bisexual, and she knew what she wanted. She wasn't prone to falling in love, but she already knew that she liked Laura... And she liked Laura a lot.

"It looks good on you, Hollis." She replied, lounging with her head in her hand, propping herself up on the bed.

"Are you sure it's not too... I don't know, improper? I mean, I feel like I should be wearing something serious. Dark. I'm announcing that my dad is... That he's sick. This isn't some celebration."

"Honey, this is Monaco. We celebrate whenever we can. God knows this place is too small for anything else. We party when things are happy, we party when things suck. We just like to get wasted. No one is going to give a crap about what you're wearing. I still like the red one."

"No, that one screams celebration. I need something darker. It's disrespectful."

"Since when do you care about respect, Hollis?"

"Since my dad started getting sick and I became queen of this stupid country, that's when!"

She threw her hands in the air in frustration and plopped herself down on the bed, right next to Danny's long legs. She buried her face in her hands after a moment, starting to visibly shake, and shake rather roughly. Danny sat up, realizing for the first time how badly Laura was hurting. She had lost her own dad when she was younger, but Laura never let the pain slip through the cracks. She was unbelievably strong, and not for a second did Danny think that this would affect her so much. They all knew what the outcome would be, but no one really knew how to... React.

"I just... I don't want to lose him, Danny." She whispered, tears heavy in her voice.

She sat up, wrapping her arms quickly around Laura's shoulders. She wasn't quite sure what else to do. She wasn't so great with comforting people, not even Laura. She sat there and held onto her as she cried, arms wrapped around shaking shoulders in a tangle of arms and legs and fingers and toes... Laura's skin was hot against Danny's as the redhead buried her face in the crook of Laura's neck, closing her eyes as the smaller girl let everything out, sobbing hysterically.

"I know... I know..."

Danny's fingers stroked Laura's long hair, holding her close as she sobbed, trying to provide some comfort but feeling like a failure. Danny couldn't take away the pain. Danny couldn't bring her dad back from the brink of death. Danny couldn't stop the stress that came with ruling over an island as a monarch. She couldn't do anything but sit there and hold her. As she held the smaller girl close, trying to take all the pain and suffering and stress away from her, she realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time. 

1\. Laura Hollis was the strongest person that she had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She was unbelievably strong, unbelievably powerful. Laura could take anything that life hurled her way.

2\. Laura Hollis was human. Despite being strong beyond all belief, life would wear her down eventually. And she would rebuild her life, become just as strong as she'd always been, but she needed time. And she needed someone to stand by her side in her hour of need.

3\. Danny Lawrence was in love with Laura Hollis.

~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

"D-Bear!" Kirsch cried as he ran behind her.

Wilson Kirsch was Laura Hollis's half-brother, the bastard child of the king, taken in secretly after his mother had died. He had grown up with Laura, though they had never been particularly close. They didn't meet until they were almost teenagers, and Laura had always gotten annoyed with him and his constant pestering, and the flirting with her friends. Mostly Danny, really. 

They had never had a good brother-sister relationship. It had always been distant, more like acquaintances than siblings really. It didn't bother Kirsch too much. He and Laura hadn't grown up together, so he couldn't expect her to act like they had. He might've liked to have a little sister like Laura, someone to tease and hang out with and do things with. But it was okay that she didn't have that same urge. He didn't want to push her into anything.

But even though he didn't have a strong connection with Laura, and didn't push the subject, it didn't mean that he wouldn't still act like her brother when it came to her friends. He had terrorized her friends when they were younger, mostly picking on Perry and LaFontaine, the ginger twins. And he constantly flirted with Danny Lawrence, the girl that he had been head-over-heels for since the day that he had laid eyes on her. She didn't exactly reciprocate, but that was okay. He didn't mind. He just liked that she sometimes paid him attention. He liked being around her. Liked talking to her. Even if she didn't like it quite so much. 

"What do you want, Kirsch?" Danny groaned, picking up her pace, trying to get away.

"Where ya going?" Kirsch inquired as he broke into a slow jog, trying to catch up to her.

"Home. I have to get ready for the gala."

"You could stay here and get ready. I'm sure that Laura has some extra dresses."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm about a foot taller than Laura. All of her dresses fit like t-shirts on me." 

"Oh. Well, maybe we'll see each other later. At the gala."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Maybe we can... I don't know, have a dance together?"

"I'm flattered, Kirsch, but I don't know." 

"Oh. Okay. Well... Maybe. I guess... Um... I'll see you there." 

Danny waved him off as she strutted through the gates of the castle and down to the streets of the city. Kirsch found himself leaning on the black iron bars of the gate, watching as she disappeared into the small throng of people, finding himself daydreaming about her, as he had done thousands of times before. He had been crushing on Danny since they were kids. He could remember the day that he had met her. She had been sitting in front of Laura's computer, the two of them watching some video, and Kirsch had barged in to ask Laura about dinner. And his eyes found her, messy hair and braces and nothing all that special other than the fact that she was the most beautiful person that Kirsch had ever seen. 

He bit down on his lip and smiled as he turned back on his heel, heading back to the palace. Perry and LaFontaine were still there, and he knew that they probably weren't going to leave any time soon. Perry didn't go anywhere without LaF, and LaF was probably busy in a room with JP. Which was... Irritating. Ever since LaF had turned 18, any time they were over, JP paid them all his attention. He was crazy about them. Kirsch had grown up with JP, even before he moved into the castle. They'd been friends as kids, JP being a couple of grades ahead of him in school. But ever since LaFontaine turned 18 and they started dating, he didn't get much of Jeep's attention anymore. 

But it was okay. He wasn't going to fight for attention from anyone. While he loved when he was given that attention from the people that he most cared about, like Jeep and Laura and D-Bear, he savored it. But he would never try and push for their love, never try and push them out of their comfort zone. As long as they were happy, he was happy. Even if it meant being happy without him. 

He slipped into his bedroom, pulling out the nicest suit he owned. Tonight was the night that Laura was going to announce that her father - their father - was dying, and would be dead in a matter of weeks. No one knew. All they knew was that the king was away, presumably on business. They didn't know that he was never coming back. 

He shrugged off his jeans and his shirt before pulling on his white button-down shirt. He quickly buttoned it up before pulling on his jacket. He pulled on his pants, then his belt, then his tie, before studying himself in the mirror. A fleeting thought made its way through his mind, but he quickly shoved it aside, trying not to think about it. But it made its way into his mind anyways.

_Why aren't I good enough?_

~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

LaFontaine shrugged on their suit jacket hastily before pushing back their short ginger hair, studying themself over in the mirror. JP watched them with adoration as he pulled his own shirt on, buttoning it up slowly. He was crazy about this person, crazier than he should've been. They had left for a few minutes to talk to Perry after their small make-out session, leaving him enough time to get dressed, before coming back and tearing his shirt off of him again. 

LaF was a lot of things. Smart. Funny. Intuitive. Dashing. A bit obsessive, but not in a bad way. They liked to touch, liked to kiss and hold hands and hug like they had been deprived of it, which wasn't entirely that far from the truth. JP wasn't as touchy as they were at this point, but he certainly didn't mind it, and absolutely didn't protest. He understood. Perry wasn't one for touch often. It made her uncomfortable, even if she truly loved and cared about the person that she was touching. She made some exceptions, but for the most part, LaF's relationship with her had gone without a lot of physical contact. They needed touch, craved it, and JP was there to give it to them.

They'd never done anything beyond kissing. LaF wouldn't let him see them without clothes on, like they were ashamed of their body. They always wore their binder, always kept their clothes on, and never let anyone see below that... Even if it was something like Jeep, who they loved and adored. JP didn't push the matter. He just let them take control, let them take his shirt off, let them have control of the situation. He didn't want to push them further than what they were comfortable with.

Though he had to admit, he'd thought about it an abundance of times.

What would it feel like to have their skin pressed against his, their body practically indistinguishable from his? What would it be like to allow himself to let go, not have to restrain himself for their sake? What would it feel like to have every inch of them at his disposal, to be allowed to see and touch and taste every inch of them? 

He tried to keep those thoughts out of his mind, but as he sat there and watched them get ready, watched them mess with their hair and fix their suit... He felt the urge rising in him, and he caught himself wondering what it would be like to throw them against the wall and tear open their suit, take them, all of them, for himself? 

No. Didn't matter.

But no matter what he did, he kept wondering. He had never found himself sexually attracted to anyone before LaFontaine. He was gray-asexual. The three of them, him, LaF, and Perry, were all on the asexual spectrum. And that was cool. It worked for them. But the moment that he met LaFontaine, when they were 16 and he was 20, he found himself crazy about them. It seemed so wrong at the time, the 4 years between them, but he waited for it. And now touching them in every way and every place that he could seemed like something that he couldn't resist much longer.

Kissing, making out, messing around, it was fine. It was great, even. But every touch, every encounter, made him want more. And he knew that he should talk to them, knew that he should try and establish this, but... It worried him. He was in love with this person. He'd admitted it. He was in love with LaFontaine. But he wasn't ready to risk it all for the sake of touch. For the sake of sex. He wasn't ready to risk them. 

"What are you thinking about?" LaF inquired as they turned away from the mirror, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him.

"You." He replied. 

"What about me?"

"I don't know. Your eyes, your smile. Everything." 

"More than that, judging by the massive bulge in your pants, dickwad." They replied, kicking them in the leg. 

Jeep's face flushed, not even having realized his growing erection. He crossed his legs in hopes of hiding it, but to no avail. Didn't matter. LaF had seen him like this, vulnerable and just a bit horny, many times. They never said anything more than teasing, never offered anything, but it was alright. It was a tricky thing to talk about. Something that he frankly didn't care to talk about. Didn't want to talk about. They were conversations he would rather be left untouched, words he'd rather be left unsaid.

"Sorry." JP apologized, face flushed with embarrassment.

"Human anatomy, my dear Watson. You're fine." LaF teased, pushing him to the side.

"I thought Miss Perry was Watson."

"Hmm... She is. You can be Lestrade if you want."

"No thank you."

"What about... Molly Hooper?"

"Again, no thanks."

"What about... Moriarty?"

"Arch enemy?"

"With lots of sexual tension."

He rolled his eyes.

"Here, tell you what. You can both be Watson."

"Alright. Fair enough." 

They sat in silence for a few moments, a comfortable silence. Their hand found his as they leaned into his shoulder. Their touch was comforting, a touch that he could get used to, a touch that he would love to have whenever he needed it for the rest of his life. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with LaFontaine. He cared about Perry as well, truly cared about her, but... He had to admit, he and LaFontaine did share a more profound bond. A bond that surpassed all others that he had felt before. He loved them...

He was in love with them. 

He had never been in love before. He had previous relationships, ones with women and with men. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He couldn't seem to find a deep connection with any of them. But with LaFontaine, it felt like there were no expectations, no needs for him to meet. He could just be himself, and they could be themself, and they could be at peace in each other's company. It was the most beautiful type of love that JP had ever experienced. And it was beautiful. 

"Hey. Can I tell you something?" He whispered after a few moments. 

"What?" They replied. 

"I love you." 

They smiled up at him, eyes full of stars as they reached up and pressed their lips into his. Their lips tasted like champagne and chocolate and starlight, a taste that he had grown accustomed to, a tasted that he couldn't imagine losing that this point in his life. Their lips only stayed against his for a few moments before they pulled away, eyes dreamy.

"Say it again." They whispered.

"I love you." He obeyed before leaning down and kissing them again, whispering those three words over and over between kisses.


End file.
